After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
