the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
