I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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