You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
