Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize