the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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