All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
