So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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