I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
