Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
