We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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