So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
