The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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