Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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