youre lurking in front of me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
