Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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