I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
