shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
