Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
