o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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