he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
