Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
