I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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