I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
