I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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