I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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