fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm jealous of your bromance
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
