my vag is so smooth its legendary
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
