Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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