I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
