If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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