I accidentally burped into my bong.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
