We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
