and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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