Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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