I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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