In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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