He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
