Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize