i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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