Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
