he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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