I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
