Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
