i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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