sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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