I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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