Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
