He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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