So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
