I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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