i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
