I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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