The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
