I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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