he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize