Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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