apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize