my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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