i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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