Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry my hands just texted you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
