If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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