JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
