if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
