do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
