you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize