you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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