He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
