How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
