giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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