I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
