i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
