Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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