I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
